Right now- my view of his job.*Profanity*

Adapted from the Fort Minor song, "Where'd You Go?"

I said "Some days I feel like shit.
Some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit,
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call
That when I pick up I don't have much to say
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Listening to your family here saying "Where'd you go?"

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
We miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone.
please come back home.

I know this is really whiny and I feel like I've kind of lowered my standards by including the profanity, but every time this song randomly comes on during deployments I feel as though it's on for me. Almost like there's some force of the universe that says "It's okay. Be angry. You'll feel better if you let it out and can let some of it go."

The part that always gets me are the lines about staying by the phone and the sense of resentment when you've dropped all your plans so you can talk and when you pick up there's nothing to talk about, and you feel so disappointed in yourself when you think, "What if this is the last time I talk to him? What about all the things I meant to say?"

So on the next phone call you're blathering like a fool, maybe arguing because you needed to clear the air about something, and you wonder, what's the point in this? He's a few thousand miles away! Maybe there's not a point here, not in any of this.

Maybe there's not.

The next time the phone rings, you think about it before you answer, and when it's him, you find that once again you have nothing to say.

I guess we all have days that we feel powerful and days that we are helpless; moments of capablility and failure. At the moment the days of power are so tenuous for me that I feel as though I am simply marking time without a goal, merely a denotation of how long we've been here.

Seems like forever that you've been gone.